Learn to recognize the signs of midlife crisis in men and women.

Do you suspect the love of your life is going through a midlife crisis?

Have you spoken with a counselor, family member or friend who told you midlife crisis ISN'T REAL, but yet - you suspect there is something to it?

Are you wondering if it’s midlife crisis or if your partner is just a narcissist?

I’m Larry Bilotta and today I want to help you understand the signs of a midlife crisis so you can make some sense of what’s happening with the person you love.

Sign #1) Selfishness

The signs of a midlife crisis can be summed up in one word: SELFISHNESS.  

In order to thrive in a family, career, or community, it’s very difficult to be selfish.  Once a midlife crisis arrives, the first sign you’ll see is some form of selfishness.  

If a spouse has been resisting these internal selfish messages from childhood for a long time, you might be surprised by this dramatic personality shift.

The selfishness is founded on a basic idea that they have been on denied a long time and now they want to make up for that which is why it’s common for a man or woman in midlife crisis to act like a rebellious teenager.

To a sane person like yourself, this sounds completely unreasonable and irrational.

Sign #2) There's no reasoning with them

When a man or woman is in a midlife crisis, there is no reasoning with them.

Think of this man or woman as two people, like Dr. Jeckly and Mr. Heide.  

The first person is who they really are, but the second person is a childhood caricature demanding that they be given everything they were denied as a child.  

Service to others vs. service to self

Within them, is a constant battle between the ideas of service to others and service to self.  

The idea of perceiving everything as a threat vs. listening to the ideas and needs of other people.  This internal struggle makes it very hard to concentrate.

Sign #3) Changes in behavior

When considering other signs of a midlife crisis in women, you could expect behaviors such as losing weight, wearing more provocative clothing and makeup in an attempt to improve her appearance.  

In men, it’s common for them to buy gadgets to make himself happy or search for women in all the wrong places.  

Regardless of the behavior, selfishness is the controlling factor and it is the main sign of a midlife crisis. Some also refer to this as narcissism.

But if your husband, wife or partner has completely shifted gears and become a different person, this is a telltale sign that a midlife crisis has arrived.  

Guilt, crying, lashing out, anger, ups and downs are all part of a midlife crisis.

Guilt, crying, lashing out, anger, ups and downs are ALL part of a midlife crisis.

When you look at the previous personality of your spouse, in most cases it is not likely that you will see this high level of selfishness.

What is a "Chaos Kid"?

In a midlife crisis, selfishness can be seen in every word and every action, in every shape and form.  

Since the midlife crisis is born from a chaotic childhood, there are five statements that sum up the signs of the midlife crisis.

1) THEIR needs are more important than your needs.
2) They sell themselves as somebody they’re not.
3) Any good thing you do or say they see as a THREAT.
4) They want what they can’t have and what they have, they don’t want.
5) They say what they don’t mean, and what they mean, they don’t say.

These five messages become five behaviors and they are very disorienting, but if you know what to expect and can recognize them, it can put you at ease, if only for a moment. 

Somebody I used to know

At the core of each of these rules is selfishness as well as a COMPLETE disconnection with who they were in their previous life.

It will help you get some calm and clarity in this new world of chaos. 

Did this article help you fill in some missing pieces?  Let me know in the comments below what you're faced with and how this has helped you.