Midlife crisis, depression, post-traumatic stress syndrome – whatever you want to call it, your wife is in deep emotional crisis and you have an important decision to make.
Are you going to weather the storm with your wife or throw in the towel?
Every divorce is built on the same system that is created during your first ten years of childhood. For most of us, it is during this time that the future of your marriage is “locked in” or decided. Few people have the ability to buck what was injected into their brains during those first ten critical years.
- She says she needs to "find herself".
- She is very angry and says "it's over".
- She is convinced her new life will be fantastic compared to the one with you.
- She cares only about herself.
- She has lost weight and/or put emphasis on improving herself.
- It seems like an alien has taken over your wife's body.
- She is hiding everything from you.
- She is determined to get everything she wants.
- She is having an affair.
- Her recollection of past events are completely different than yours.
- She says she needs space and/or has moved out of your home.
- She acts like a 17 year old rebelling against her parents.
- She is distant, depressed and views you as the enemy.
- She is tired of being the care taker.
- She stays out late without explanation.
- There is no rationalizing with her.
- She has lost her mothering abilities and thinks "the kids will be fine".
- She has lost every ounce of compassion for immediate family.
When you have very little programming with healthy instructions on how to care for your spouse, you have virtually no way to stop issues like these from invading your personal life:
- An affair
- Fights about sex
- Communication breakdown
- No loyalty
- In-law problems
- Falling out of love
- Second marriage conflict
- Angry blow ups
- No romance
- Being ignored
- Money problems
- Children problems
If you’re married to a woman who has seemingly become a different person overnight, you are married to what I call a “Chaos Kid”. This is a woman whose upbringing was traumatic, neglectful or chaotic. There are different degrees of neglect that create a Chaos Kid but the bottom line is this – conventional marriage advice will NOT work for Chaos Kids.
Where Do You and Your Wife Fall on the Chaos to Purpose Scale?
A Chaos Kid is angry about their childhood and that childhood anger is now directed at you. YOU have become the enemy. Everything you do and say is a threat. It doesn’t matter how good or bad you’ve been as a husband, if she was married to someone else, it would be the same story.
There Are 5 Rules of a Chaos Kid Wife You Need to Understand
- She says what she doesn’t mean and what she means, she doesn’t say.
- She believes her needs are more important than your needs.
- She sells herself as somebody she’s not.
- Any good thing you do or say, she sees as a threat.
- She wants what she can’t have and what she has, she doesn’t want.
In this hostile environment, you must become you at your best to avoid pushing her further away. Gifts, cards, kind words, notes and affection will only push her further away from you and add fuel to the fire.
Now that we’ve confirmed your wife is a Chaos Kid, one of the most difficult things you’ll be faced with is understanding the fact that you can’t treat her like a normal woman. You’ll try to rationalize, make sense of the situation, buy cards for birthdays and holidays, apologize often, tell her you love her like you would in a normal marriage.
But Be Warned - All of These Things Will Backfire. A Midlife Crisis is a Whole Different Ballgame
You are NOT dealing with a normal woman anymore. You’ve just left the world of logical thinking and entered into the land of blaming, accusations, emotional and physical chaos.
So how are you going to weather the storm? What’s your plan?
There are a lot of misconceptions around the idea of a midlife crisis. Some people think only men go through a midlife crisis. Others hear “midlife crisis” and a middle-aged businessman driving off into the sunset with his twenty-something girlfriend comes to mind.
But the reality is, ALL Chaos Kids, both men and women, go through a midlife crisis.
If Your Wife Came From a Troubled Home, It’s Not a Question of IF; it’s Now a Matter of WHEN.
In over 15 years of working with couples, I’ve never seen one couple where both spouses came from healthy childhoods who had conflict in their marriage they couldn’t resolve on their own.
TROUBLED CHILDHOODS = TROUBLED MARRIAGES This is not a theory, it’s a fact.
And the sooner you wrap your head around what a midlife crisis is, what to expect, how long it will last and how to survive it, the quicker you’ll get a grasp on how to weather this storm and avoid making things worse.
In today’s society, a midlife crisis is an epidemic that is rarely discussed or explained and is often rationalized as a ‘mental illness’ by psychologists or those in the medical field. I’ve studied the patterns for over 15 years of Chaos Kids and what happens when their troubled childhood comes to get them as they enter a midlife crisis.
But I want you to go through this with a plan, rather than a blindfold.
To help you do this...
Here’s What Mark Gungor, One Of The Most Sought-After Speakers On Marriage and Family In The Country Has To Say About Larry…
Click the ‘play’ button below to hear what Mark had to say about Larry Bilotta on his radio show…
Mark is Sr. Pastor of Celebration Church, a multi-site church with five campuses across Wisconsin, and the CEO of Laugh Your Way America.
Mark speaks for churches, civic events, and business meetings and is a much requested speaker for the US Army.
You’re Not Crazy, It’s Not All Your Fault, But it IS Your Responsibility to Do Something If You Really Do Want This Woman
If you have children, they need you to hold this family together. And when you least expect it, your wife WILL throw you a major curve-ball that will rock your world (even worse than what you’ve already seen). It's only a matter of time.
And you need to be prepared for this when it happens. You don’t need to let your family become another divorce statistic, giving up on the woman you love just yet. Deep down beneath the layers of anger is a woman who needs you right now. If you have children, they need you now more than ever. A midlife crisis is a hostile experience to go through and one thing is for sure, just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, you’re not in Kansas anymore.
A Midlife crisis is a whole different world with different rules and different expectations that require a very different approach than most conventional marriage help would lead you to believe.
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