The 6 Stages of Your Wife’s Midlife Crisis


For many years I have worked with men whose wives have suddenly collapsed into a midlife crisis or eventually melted down into a woman these husbands did not know. There are stages that a woman goes through once her midlife crisis begins and if you know what to look for, you can recognize them.

The reason I tell you this is because the men I work with want to know when it’s over. They want to know that because they can’t stand living with this other woman who resents them or even hates them. These husbands want to know when it will be over so they can get back to their normal life with their normal wife.

And who could blame them? They had no idea this was going to happen but if they knew what I know, they could’ve predicted this long before their wedding.

Larry Bilotta

Childhood Chaos = Midlife Crisis

Women who melt down into a midlife crisis all have one thing in common: they come from painful childhoods and they are what I call a "Chaos Kid".

A painful childhood is one where the girl endures abuse, neglect or abandonment. If one, two or even three of these things have happened to her in her first 10 years, she will endure a midlife crisis in her adult intimate relationship and her marriage, sometime between two and 26 years into the marriage. Typically, a woman’s midlife crisis launches between ages 35 and 45 but in some cases of really severe childhoods, it can even begin in their early 30s.

Through my own research where I interviewed hundreds of people about their childhoods, this has proven to be true over and over again. Girls, who grow up in happy homes where mom and dad enjoy each other and mom and dad make her feel important and valuable, never endure a midlife crisis.

The reason your wife is going through a midlife crisis is because her childhood has some combination of abuse, neglect or abandonment. I won’t go into how it works here, but even if I would’ve warned you about this 60 days before your wedding, you would have thrown me out of your house.

At that time, you were not ready to hear it because you had to fulfill your destiny and this is the girl who could do that. That’s because something in YOUR childhood, attracted you to THIS particular girl because of what happened in hers.

There Are 5 Rules of a Chaos Kid Wife

  1. She says what she doesn’t mean and what she means, she doesn’t say.
  2. She believes her needs are more important than your needs.
  3. She sells herself as somebody she’s not.
  4. Any good thing you do or say, she sees as a threat.
  5. She wants what she can’t have and what she has, she doesn’t want.

Before I explain the 6 stages of a female midlife crisis, I want you to realize that your wife WILL go through them. If you are not what I call an Environment Changer, you will not be able to shorten this process. That means you must get through it and that will take 2 to 5 years. Also remember that these stages are not completely distinct. They can blend together and sometimes completely overlap. You will see stage two happening in one week and stage 3 happening in the next.

Throughout these stages, you might see some of the following symptoms of your wife's midlife crisis.

  • She is ending her marriage to establish her independence.
  • She shows no incentive to work on her marriage.
  • She is convinced that her new life will be fantastic compared to the one with you.
  • She is freeing herself.
  • She is running away.
  • She wants her time and space.
  • She is tired of being the care taker.
  • She does not care what others think
  • She stays out late without explanation
  • She plans trips without you.
  • She will risk marriage, children's well being or career to feel happy with some other man.
  • She cares only about herself.
  • She blames everyone for her actions.
  • She has no logic and no consequences.
  • It seems like an alien has taken over your wife's body.
  • She is hiding everything from you.
  • Her emotions control her every move.
  • She acts like a 17 year old rebelling against her parents.
  • Her every feeling is a fact that cannot be argued.
  • She is never wrong, while you are always wrong.
  • She is determined to get everything she wants.
  • She has lost every ounce of compassion for immediate family.

STAGE 1: The Emotional Collapse

The beginning of her crisis begins with a crisis. Don’t be too concerned about what kind of crisis it is but I will give you an idea of what this might be based on my hundreds of interviews.

  • Her mother could move in with you while you are losing your job
  • Her mother, father, or important family member passes away
  • She or someone she loves experiences a major accident
  • She experiences a big change in career
  • The two of you experience a long distance move
  • One or both children move out of your home
  • She is diagnosed with an illness
  • And the list goes on.

Any of these are typical situations that could launch your wife into a midlife crisis.  The beginning of the midlife crisis is usually one or two dramatic issues that cause her to collapse emotionally.

STAGE 2: Enlarging the Gap

In Stage 2, the monster within that now controls her body seeks to blame you for every bad thing that’s happening. This is designed to keep you flustered and standing on one foot. The purpose here is to increase the number of reasons why she should divorce you. That means that out of her mouth will come many judgments, unfair comparisons, exaggerations of past behaviors and anything else that will help generate “against energy” in you.

Since you know that stage 2 is meant to push you away, you must learn to stay very calm and accept that some entity has taken over her body in order to destroy your family. Staying very calm and accepting everything is the job you must do, but you might discover that there is also a monster in you as well.

The monster within you is determined to connect with that monster in her. If you don’t kill off this dark thing within you, it will be very tough to get your wife back to her true self.

STAGE 3: I Want My Freedom

This is the stage where she is determined to get free of you and this stage can take on many variations depending on how she was raised. If her childhood has a great deal of chaos,  her mother divorced before she was 10, and her biological father abandoned her, then she will be getting out of town starting with moving out of your house.

She will be insistent that she cannot go anywhere near you. Again, depending on the chaos in her childhood, a high chaos girl will disappear on you in this stage. She won’t return your calls or texts.

If you are angry at this behavior, you will be generating against energy. That will not serve you well at all. If you still want the girl at this stage, it’s because you see a difference between the girl you love and the entity that is now controlling her body much like a possession in a horror movie.

STAGE 4: You Owe Me

This is the stage where your wife takes on various vindictive behaviors. Most of these will be to get you to pay financially for the things she believes you owe her. Depending on the girl, she could make many financial demands through her attorney such as requiring that you pay both lawyers.

It also could be that you emotionally owe her for past hurts and she wants revenge. That could take many forms depending on how she was raised. No matter what twists this stage takes, watch for a focus on getting back at you financially.

STAGE 5: I’m Happier Now

In Stage 5, she will be seeking out ways to let you know that she is much happier now because she has a new boyfriend, a new apartment, a new career, a new engagement, a new something. This is the “show off” stage where she finds ways to communicate through friends, through family members or even directly that you suppressed her entire life and now that you are out of it, she is much happier than ever before because you are gone.

STAGE 6: Somebody I Used To Know

Like the song, “Somebody I Used to Know”, she has done what she promised and moved on with her life. She has turned you into a distant memory of someone she used to know. She does not bring you up to anyone and if you have children together, she will never admit you meant anything to her.

I can’t say this next point enough because men don’t hear me very well when I make the point.

The point is this: the entity that is driving this supremely self-centered behavior has taken all of her childhood pain and blamed it all on you.

Your wife actually believes it's all your fault because she has no clue what else could have led to her bottomless pit of unhappiness and despair.

That’s why a midlife crisis in a woman is completely unfair to her husband (unless he’s abusive, etc. and an extreme chaos kid himself). I’m assuming you are not that man. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this.

You are probably a real nice guy who treated her exactly the way your father treated your mother in your first ten years. Your mother could handle it from your dad, but your wife could not accept you being like him.

How To Shorten Your Wife's Midlife Crisis

If you are looking for a way to shorten your wife's midlife crisis, I would suggest that you watch the video presentation that covers many of the concepts I teach, bringing it all together into a message on why this is happening and what you can do to “save the girl”.

In this hostile environment, you must become you at your best to avoid pushing her further away. Gifts, cards, kind words, notes and affection will only push her  further away from you and add fuel to the fire.

Now that we’ve confirmed your wife is a Chaos Kid, one of the most difficult things you’ll be faced with is understanding the fact that you can’t treat her like a normal woman. You’ll try to rationalize, make sense of the situation, buy cards for birthdays and holidays, apologize often, tell her you love her like you would in a normal marriage.

How To Shorten Her Midlife Crisis


Why Listen To Larry Bilotta?

Both I and my wife Marsha are Chaos Kids.

I spent 27 years in a marriage made in Hell, but in the 28th year, fell in love with my wife and today we’re still married over 40 years.

I paid a price to get the answers I’m sharing with you today and I don’t want you to have to go through what I did – lost, confused, angry and worried about your uncertain future. For over 15 years, I’ve since made it my life’s work to demystify the source of human behavior and spread the word about the Chaos Kid Phenomenon and the idea that troubled homes create troubled marriages.

I’ve helped thousands of men learn to control their emotions, win their wife’s heart back and attract her back like no other man can. If you’re ready to get your hands on a plan that will help you weather the storm and shorten your wife’s midlife crisis, you can access this course from the comfort of your home in under 5 minutes.

Marriage Authority Larry Bilotta Happily Married Over 40 Years

Marriage Authority Larry Bilotta Happily Married Over 40 Years

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Here’s What Mark Gungor, One Of The Most Sought-After Speakers On Marriage and Family In The Country Has To Say About Larry…

Mark GungorClick the ‘play’ button below to hear what Mark recently had to say about Larry Bilotta on his radio show

Mark is Sr. Pastor of Celebration Church, a multi-site church with five campuses across Wisconsin, and the CEO of Laugh Your Way America.

Mark speaks for churches, civic events, and business meetings and is a much requested speaker for the US Army.