Women who melt down into a midlife crisis all have one thing in common: they come from painful childhoods and they are what I call a "Chaos Kid".
A painful childhood is one where the girl endures abuse, neglect or abandonment. If one, two or even three of these things have happened to her in her first 10 years, she will endure a midlife crisis in her adult intimate relationship and her marriage, sometime between two and 26 years into the marriage. Typically, a woman’s midlife crisis launches between ages 35 and 45 but in some cases of really severe childhoods, it can even begin in their early 30s.
Through my own research where I interviewed hundreds of people about their childhoods, this has proven to be true over and over again. Girls, who grow up in happy homes where mom and dad enjoy each other and mom and dad make her feel important and valuable, never endure a midlife crisis.
The reason your wife is going through a midlife crisis is because her childhood has some combination of abuse, neglect or abandonment. I won’t go into how it works here, but even if I would’ve warned you about this 60 days before your wedding, you would have thrown me out of your house.
At that time, you were not ready to hear it because you had to fulfill your destiny and this is the girl who could do that. That’s because something in YOUR childhood, attracted you to THIS particular girl because of what happened in hers.
There Are 5 Rules of a Chaos Kid Wife
- She says what she doesn’t mean and what she means, she doesn’t say.
- She believes her needs are more important than your needs.
- She sells herself as somebody she’s not.
- Any good thing you do or say, she sees as a threat.
- She wants what she can’t have and what she has, she doesn’t want.
Before I explain the 6 stages of a female midlife crisis, I want you to realize that your wife WILL go through them. If you are not what I call an Environment Changer, you will not be able to shorten this process. That means you must get through it and that will take 2 to 5 years. Also remember that these stages are not completely distinct. They can blend together and sometimes completely overlap. You will see stage two happening in one week and stage 3 happening in the next.
Throughout these stages, you might see some of the following symptoms of your wife's midlife crisis.
- She is ending her marriage to establish her independence.
- She shows no incentive to work on her marriage.
- She is convinced that her new life will be fantastic compared to the one with you.
- She is freeing herself.
- She is running away.
- She wants her time and space.
- She is tired of being the care taker.
- She does not care what others think
- She stays out late without explanation
- She plans trips without you.
- She will risk marriage, children's well being or career to feel happy with some other man.
- She cares only about herself.
- She blames everyone for her actions.
- She has no logic and no consequences.
- It seems like an alien has taken over your wife's body.
- She is hiding everything from you.
- Her emotions control her every move.
- She acts like a 17 year old rebelling against her parents.
- Her every feeling is a fact that cannot be argued.
- She is never wrong, while you are always wrong.
- She is determined to get everything she wants.
- She has lost every ounce of compassion for immediate family.
The beginning of her crisis begins with a crisis. Don’t be too concerned about what kind of crisis it is but I will give you an idea of what this might be based on my hundreds of interviews.
- Her mother could move in with you while you are losing your job
- Her mother, father, or important family member passes away
- She or someone she loves experiences a major accident
- She experiences a big change in career
- The two of you experience a long distance move
- One or both children move out of your home
- She is diagnosed with an illness
- And the list goes on.
Any of these are typical situations that could launch your wife into a midlife crisis. The beginning of the midlife crisis is usually one or two dramatic issues that cause her to collapse emotionally.
If you are looking for a way to shorten your wife's midlife crisis, I would suggest that you watch the video presentation that covers many of the concepts I teach, bringing it all together into a message on why this is happening and what you can do to “save the girl”.
In this hostile environment, you must become you at your best to avoid pushing her further away. Gifts, cards, kind words, notes and affection will only push her further away from you and add fuel to the fire.
Now that we’ve confirmed your wife is a Chaos Kid, one of the most difficult things you’ll be faced with is understanding the fact that you can’t treat her like a normal woman. You’ll try to rationalize, make sense of the situation, buy cards for birthdays and holidays, apologize often, tell her you love her like you would in a normal marriage.
Here’s What Mark Gungor, One Of The Most Sought-After Speakers On Marriage and Family In The Country Has To Say About Larry…
Click the ‘play’ button below to hear what Mark recently had to say about Larry Bilotta on his radio show…
Mark is Sr. Pastor of Celebration Church, a multi-site church with five campuses across Wisconsin, and the CEO of Laugh Your Way America.
Mark speaks for churches, civic events, and business meetings and is a much requested speaker for the US Army.